The best gift of 2012 - A lesson in life

The saying goes something like this: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" and I now know this to be true.

I don't have a lot of enemies, in fact I don't think I have any. But I do have one or two people who are not on my Christmas card list. For those who know me well, they'll tell you that I get along with everyone. From the bus driver to the prime minister (if we ever met), I really like everyone until I have a reason not to. Miss Congeniality? That's me. 

Except this one time.........

I didn't get along with a colleague. Neither of us liked each other and try as we might to mask it, it was evident to all who knew us that there was no love between us. A lot of barbed wired, but absolutely no love. 

A few years ago I was sitting in a coffee shop (theme of my life) ranting to my husband about my colleague who I really didn't have much respect for. At the time, this particular person was making my life hell. She was actively bad mouthing me and spreading vicious rumours attacking my credibility in the workplace. It was toxic. She lied about me, and seemed intent on making sure that my career with that company was not longstanding. I really didn't like her, and it consumed me. I felt bullied and prejudiced because she had friends in higher places than I did who listened to her without questioning the validity of her venom.

During my coffee shop morning rant to my husband, another caffeine loving patron overheard and gave me some advice. "She is your teacher - let her teach you something."

At the time I didn't appreciate his Buddhist views on my nemesis, but now - two years later - I am thankful.

While I may not have had much respect for the way she behaved, I was able to admire some of her successful attributes from afar. She had presence. She could walk into the room and immediately be noticed. It didn't matter what she said, it was how she said it that commanded respect. She also dressed the part. Her interior was tough and toxic, but her exterior was soft. She wore bright colours and soft fabrics which absolutely contradicted who she was. It was like a little trick to give her more appeal. It worked. 

Once, we were sitting in the board room and she was being yelled at by the managing director about something she had done. The MD was a scary alpha male and his ferocious public attack would have made most people run crying from the room. But not her. She kept her composure by looking him directly in the eye - no emotion and no facial movement. She just looked at him and said nothing. It was the most powerful thing I have ever seen another person do. And she pulled it off. The MD stopped his rant and moved on to the next topic. 

When she had presented other peoples work claiming it as her own and was publicly "outed" for it, she maintained her stance and moved on. Her love of plagiarism was accepted because she refused to let it be made into a big deal. I personalised it, its not something I would ever do and it infuriated me that she got away with it. But what I did like was that she didn't react. Not openly anyway. 

She made mistakes. A lot of them, but she glossed them over or blamed other people. I discovered the finger had been pointed at me many times for her errors, and I raised them to the MD directly - on reflection with too much emotion. I will always own up to a mistake I've made, I'm like that - so I wont follow her lead in blaming others. There is still a lesson though, sometimes we learn from others in what they do "wrong" so we don't have to make the same mistake.

The MD gave me a pep talk once and told me that there will always be people in my life that I don't like or get along with - I just have to learn to work with them. Its true. 

These are the gifts she gave me that I am eternally grateful. 

 - Actions speak louder than words. 

 - Be true to yourself. 

 - Crucial confrontations and crucial conversations are my new mantras. 

 - At work, the best interest of the business comes first.

 - After work, there is a life to be lived. With people who matter. 

 - Say it with conviction. Confidence is king

 - Leave emotion at home. Passion is good, but emotion can be damaging. 

 - Maintain eye contact in the board room. Even when you're being called names. 

 - Dont play into the hands of politics. It only leads to tears. 

 - A job is not the be all and end all. If its toxic and cant be changed, move on. 

And if ever another person ever tries to discredit me again, I will stand my ground and it will be professional. 

Through these lessons I have kicked much better goals in my new job, and I am reminded everyday that my old colleague who had made my life hell has paved an easier and much better road for my future. For this I am thankful. 

Shameless Act of Self Promotion

I’m going to tell you how good I am.

Right here. Right now. After all, this is what I do on a daily basis when writing my award winning cover letters. 

I am an exceptional leader. What makes me exceptional besides me telling you? Well, I enjoy leading a team of people. I get my kicks out of developing staff, watching them grow and develop in careers and as people. In my performance reviews, in the hallway discussions with managing directors, and in emails from staff, I have been told how great I am as a leader. Its true. I have evidence. 

I am a “can-do” person. I don’t just tell you I can do it, I roll my sleeves up and do it. I have often walked into the office to find myself short staffed and the only option is for me to get in and do what I tell my staff to do. As a manager and leader, I also had to do it without error and with a positive attitude. How can I expect staff to do something well if I can’t do it? 

I am a strategist. I can break down any vision you give me and turn it into a phased plan that will knock your socks off. Or heels if you’re not wearing socks. 

I am savvy. Not just school yard savvy, but I come with the business smarts. I’ve been there on day one of a start up company that is still going strong after 16 years. I’ve provided solutions to large multinational companies that made sense, and made money. 

I am an excellent communicator. Actually, I have no idea on this one, all I know is that I communicate. A lot. In various mediums. 

I am a thought leader. Again, I don’t really know if I am, but someone on twitter told me I was. Well, I don’t really know what a thought leader is to be honest, but it sounds too good to pass up. I have now included this on my resume. Lisa Fryar - Thought Leader.  

I am beginning to really enjoy the cover letter writing exercise of applying for a job. 
Everyday I am granted the opportunity to provide some positive blurb about myself, it's like a form of new age therapy where I continually go through the list of everything I am really great at. I don’t even struggle with this anymore. 

Where I need the practice is telling people in person. 

Australians are not known for their face to face self promotion. We cut down tall poppies and eat them for breakfast, so singing my own praises seems a little unnatural. This is something I really need to start working on because walking into an interview, I need to have the same confidence that my resume promotes. 

I can't exactly walk in and introduce myself as Australia’s Next Top Thought Leader. 

Any volunteers who would like to hang out with me for a little while and listen to my shameless self promotion blurb?

PS - that's me in a "marketing poster" showcasing some of my skills.